The Ones Back at Home.

When I started this blog,  I didn’t want it to be a  "family blog"  but more of an informational story line about Kalvin's CHDs and all that we discover along the way.  A way to reach out and share our experiences in hopes that they may help someone else.  I have often felt guilty about not mentioning much about the youngest member of our family,  Finn.  This last experience in the hospital;  however,  made me realize something I really don't think I was very conscience of...Finn is a huge part of Kalvin's CHD story.   Finn is affected by Kalvin's CHD just as much as the rest of us.  He also was the forgotten one in the days leading up to and surrounding Kalvin's cath lab.

Finn absolutely adores his grandmother,  my mom  (also a very special person who is so often over looked).   Finn cries when grandma leaves.  Grandma spends, at a minimum,  every Friday with Finn and he can't wait for Fridays to come.  If his nap runs late and grandma leaves before he gets up - Finn is crushed.   Finn has a passion for vacuuming,  making coffee and tea,  for using his blender and baking cakes...all things grandma is fond of as well.  They are like two little peas in a pod at times.  They have a special relationship and it makes me so happy that they do.  So, when grandma came to stay with Finn during Kalvin's hospital stay,  I didn't think twice about how he would handle us being away.  I never gave it a second thought.  He would be with grandma.  He would be safe and happy - probably cry when she had to leave.

Grandma came over,  even with a terrible flu, because grandma never lets us down.  Never.  She is the glue that holds us all together...my entire extended family.  She was a science teacher who then became the school nurse and now works in a hospital as an ICU nurse!  So you see, not only is she reliable and loving,  she is smart and knows absolutely everything about hearts.  Everything.  We are so very blessed to have grandma. 

The morning we left for the hospital Finnie got up unusually early...5 am (a normal wake time for Finn is 8:30)!  He knew that Kalvin, Lars and I were leaving for the hospital so I am guessing that is why he was up so early.  He was not happy, and in hind sight,  he was probably a bit nervous because we rarely,  if ever, all three leave together without him.  He asked about us a few times throughout the day and grandma told him that we were at the doctors with Kalvin.  Maybe not the best place to have told him we were because he loves to go to the doctor's office... to press all the elevator buttons! 

When we ran into a bit of trouble with Kalvin in the cath lab recovery room,  I called grandma to tell her what was happening and she immediately told me to stay overnight with Kalvin and Lars.  "Kalvin will want you to stay overnight too,"  she said.   "We will be fine here. You stay."   That is the kind of person grandma is.  She always puts everyone else first, regardless of how terrible she was feeling with her cold virus.

Finn awoke the next morning at 5 am again looking for us.  Grandma comforted him, but he wanted mommy.  Mommy is always home in the middle of the night.  "Where was mommy? " he wanted to know.

When we arrived home late that afternoon,  Finn was not happy.  He looked at us and instantly shouted, "I hate you!"  Ouch.  That stung.  Then he ran into the other room when he saw us and when we told him,  "We missed you, Finnie!"  he replied,  "NO YOU DID NOT MISS ME!"  with the cutest little pout on his pudgy face, only it wasn't cute...at all.  It tore at  my heart.  Then he shoo'd us away with one hand.  It was heart breaking.

Finn proceeded to have the classic two year old reactions - he ignored us and told us that he did not like us and told us,  "GET AWAY!"   It was terrible.  It made me think.  Lars is always saying that Finnie always gets the short end of the stick.  And I guess I never really fully saw it that way before this experience.

Finn proceeded to have sleeping issues.  Not wanting to go to bed,  waking up in the middle of the night, wanting to sleep with us,  getting up really early...all the classic signs that his world had been rocked and he was not going to let us forget it anytime soon.

I work full time so Finn is use to me being away during the day,  but he had grown use to all of us being home together while Kalvin was recuperating.  We didn't give it much thought,  but when grandma came to stay for a few hours one morning,  Finn threw up.  We thought he had a stomach virus.  Then, the next day when I was back at work and the babysitter came,  he threw up again, but only in the morning.  We became concerned that it was not a virus.  He told Lars, "I DO NOT WANT BABYSITTER HERE!  I WANT MOMMY!"  I felt terrible.  It could just be his age and a pure coincidence that he is behaving this way now,

but the timing of it all just seemed too close to Kalvin's surgery not to connect the two.

There are so many times Finn takes the back seat so that we can focus on Kalvin (like most little brothers experience)  and he is usually a good sport about it.  He gets to spend extra quality alone time with grandma - what could be better than that?  Right??  But I guess what I was over looking was the way Finn sees it.  He sees the three of us going off together without him, not realizing we are going for long medical appointments.  Us leaving without him.  I know some day he will understand better, but it still doesn't make it easy for him now. 

We waited a very long time for Finn's arrival.  Kalvin wanted a sibling and Lars and I wanted more children, but it isn't always quite that simple.  We we were all overjoyed to finally welcome a baby into our family again.   Having Finn around has been so wonderful in so many different ways for Kalvin.  Finn makes us laugh all the time.  He is such a ham.  Finn exuberates such emotion all the time.  Just today we told Finn we were going to make popcorn and he screamed with delight and Kal looked at me and said, "I just love his emotions.  He gets so excited when we just say the word popcorn - it is so cute."  Finn really is the best medicine for Kalvin,  for all of us.

Finn is a man of adventure.  We love the sound he makes when he runs across the floor "deet  deet ...deet deet...deet  deet."  He does not walk anywhere, he runs everywhere which I absolutely love about him.  The pitter patter of his tiny feet is a comforting sound that always makes us smile and lets us know exactly where he is!  He is so full of energy and character.  He has an infectious giggle and a laugh that warms your heart.  The thing about Finn that makes him so "Finn" is he can be sweet and kind and then wild and feisty all in the same minute.  I guess I just didnt realize how busy we are at times looking out for Kalvin and his emotional state that we were overlooking Finn's feelings.  I am sure most siblings of children with a chronic disease "get the short end of the stick" more often than intended.  There are so many people affected by CHDs.   We love you Finnie and grandma!   Thank you for all you do!
                                                                                                                                             

Finn and grandma...at one day old!


There are six entries in total relating to Kalvin's cath lab.  You can read them here 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in order.  Thanks for stopping by.  We love to hear your thoughts and comments!