Top Braces...at 8 years old!

The day finally arrived.  It was time to get Kalvin's top braces.  The reason for Kalvin's braces is not to straighten his teeth, but to help move his bottom teeth and jaw back a bit.  He has a severe under bite and we are hoping the braces will adjust his jaw.  As we hoped,  after about six months, his bottom teeth have moved back a bit.  The orthodontist will adjust the treatment plan as we go along to assure his jaw is correcting as expected.  We are hoping to avoid jaw surgery which I hear is very long and painful. We chose the braces first thinking that Kalvin has a lot of orthodontic work in his future.  We didn't want to traumatize him out of the gate-at age seven. So far, the plan is working.

Kalvin, anxiously waiting the procedure to start.
 

The bottom braces have been easy peasy to deal with, but the thought of the top braces seemed to cause a lot of anxiety.  Kalvin was worried about the application process.  "Will I throw up (overactive gag reflex)?  Will it hurt?  Will I have to wear head gear at night? Head gear to school?"

So many worried thoughts running through his little mind. 

He is ready to get this over with.

 

Things moved right along.  Very little gagging, even with all the tools in his mouth.

 

 



Here they are drying the glue.  Kal was so patient.

 



I could not believe what I saw next.  Never, in all my days, have I ever seen one of these contraptions.  When the doctor held it up, I thought there was absolutely no way it was going to fit into Kal's mouth without an abundance of gagging.  I sat silent.  It turns out, I was so wrong.  The doctor plopped it into his mouth and wallah...

We stared in disbelief.  Finn, nor I,  could believe what we were witnessing.  We were stunned.  One just never knows.

No problem, even with this all going on simultaneously!

 

Kalvin was still as could be.  Just chillin'.

 

 

He couldn't wait to sit up and check out his new wires.

 

 He really wasn't sure what to make of all the new hardware in his mouth.



The top braces have turned out to be just as easy peasy as the bottom braces. 

 

Thank you all for stopping by.  Please feel free to ask us any questions in the comments or via email.  This previous post on bottom braces has been one of my most popular posts.  I see that people are reading it every day so I wanted to be sure to keep you up on our braces journey.  Thank you.

 

 

Leave My Hand in Your Hand - CHD and Siblings

Kalvin had his three month ultra sound and visit with the doctor following the blood clot in his left leg.  As we approached the room, Kalvin began whining and complaining about the visit.  Nerves I imagine.  "You know how many ultra sounds I have had?" he asked no one in particular.  I looked at him and smiled and replied with an answer I am not too proud of, "Not as many as I have had."  I know it wasn't the answer a young boy who has undergone more medical procedures than any one person should have endured well into their adult years, but it fell out of my mouth.  He was just looking for a little sympathy.  He was suffering from a sinus infection as well and just wanted to be home already. 

He jumped up on the gurney in his usual cheery fashion, put a smile on his face and said to the technician, "Let's get started."

I tried to save face by commenting on what a good patient he is.  But on this afternoon, the most mature encouraging words were coming out of the mouth of a babe.  Kalvin's three year old brother.

Some days it feels like Finn has endured just about as much "medical torture" as Kalvin.  He is dragged along to witness a lot of it.  He is usually very upbeat.  Keeping us all on our toes.  We try to make it fun.  It is a good thing Finn is fascinated with the elevator buttons and kinda sad at the same time that he knows exactly which floor to push depending on the elevator we are in.

We try to spare Finn any appointment that may involve a needle or a lot of hours in a hospital.  But he likes to be with us and come along for the ride. I thought an ultra sound certainly was innocent enough; after all, Finn has been to quite a few by now.  On this particular afternoon though, Kalvin had been teasing Finn that he too was going to need an ultra sound.  As much as I reminded Kalvin not to tease his brother and reassured Finn that he was in fact not having any procedures, he was still very nervous.  When we went to sit down beside Kalvin's bed, Finn practically leaped into my lap. 

"Mommy hold me so Kalvin won't take me in the bed with him," he pleaded gripping my arm. 

"Hold my hand so Kalvaan won't get me in the bed." 

Kalvin went on in a playful brotherly way giggling. 

"Kalllvaaan, don't harraaasss me!" Finn yelled as he grabbed hold of my hand.

Once the technician began the ultra sound, Finn relaxed and even whispered in my ear, "Mommy, Kalvaan is a good patient." 

"Yes Finn, he is always such a good patient just like you are," I reminded him.

"Leave my hand in your hand mommy."

I whispered in his ear that he was being very brave just like Kalvin. He tightened his grip just a little more. 

"Finn, you are doing a good job, just like Kalvin," I reminded.  He smiled. 

It is so nice to be able to comfort him.  That just being there and holding his hand is enough.

"Mommy, this is fun."

Everything looked great for Kalvin's leg.  No sign of a blood clot.  The blood is still flowing nicely through his femoral artery.  Next appointment...six months!

We headed across the street to the pediatrician to get an antibiotic for Kalvin's case of sinusitis.  But not before stopping to pause at the ball drop. The boys love to follow the ball.

He watches so intently.

I love how his hand is on the glass.  Look at these little hands.  They grow so fast.

You can just see it all over Kalvin.  His face.  His posture.  He is not feeling well.  Kalvin has suffered with sinusitis his whole life.  Adenoids out.  Little help.  But a dose of Augmentin fixes it immediately.  The cases of sinusitis are also becoming fewer and farther in between as he grows. Thank goodness. We headed across the street to the world's best pediatrician!

Where Kalvin had a little fun with mirrors.  I think we were all delirious at this point.

Look at how big Kalvin's hands are getting.  They grow too fast.

 

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For What She Did For Me-success with cognitive behavioral therapy for kids(CBT)

Back in July,  we started Cognitive Behavior Therapy at Boston University's CARD (Center For Anxiety and Related Disorders).  The program was magnificent.  Our coach, Meredith, and Kalvin quickly bonded and he was really ready to conquer his fears head on.  The therapy begins with a lesson in how our brain and body work when we are scared.  Kalvin learned that stress is normal.  Everyone needs a bit of fear to survive.  Fear is what keeps us from running out into traffic.  These simple teachings really resonated with Kalvin.  I think it comforted him to know that everyone experiences anxiety to some degree.  Everyone.  He knows that when anxiety stops you from doing things that you want to do, that it is not healthy.

CBT is about exposing yourself to your fears one step at a time.  A ladder approach.  Knowing that your fears are keeping you from fully experiencing life seemed to propel Kalvin forward.  We put our fear ladder together, rating our fears and listing the easier exposures at the bottom and the really scary goals at the top.  As we began our exposures, Kal would get anxious, experience physical symptoms and then suddenly something would take over and he would say "let's just do it.  Come on, drop me off.  I can do this!"  It was amazing to watch the transformation. 

Anxiety is becoming a regular part of society.  Just think of the tragic events that have unfolded over the past year.  As much as we try and shelter these traumatic situations from our kids, anxiety is still becoming part of their daily lives.  After we completed the cognitive behavioral therapy, I read this article in the Huffington Post and thought, wow, here it is in black and white...exactly what we did.    I will say, having a Coach as wonderful as Meredith really made a difference.  Not all of the techniques Kalvin learned at CARD were new to us and;  in fact, we have practiced some of them before, but going weekly and having a coach guide us and assign us homework, made it work for our family. It wasn't me, the nagging mom, telling him this is what he should do, but a trained doctor working with him and assuring him this was going to work out, things were going to get better for him.  And they did.

The results have been amazing.  Kalvin has done things he has never done before.  Some of his feats were listed on his ladder.  Others are the result of the overall confidence he has gained.  You may recall a post back in May where I talked about what a day at the park can reveal about brothers. Kalvin does not like slides and wanted no part of going down a large one on this particular day at the park, but peer pressure from his two year old brother convinced him to give him it a try.  Kalvin followed his little brother up the big ladder and down the loopy slide.  The look on Kalvin's face revealed that he was stepping outside of his comfort zone.  Sliding was not fun for Kal.  Not even the second or third time.  

This December we took a trip and stayed in a hotel that had a small water park with two huge water slides.  I almost fell over as Kalvin dropped his towel, looked up at the top of the slide and headed up the stairs never looking back.  All alone.  Finn was too short to go on the big slides.  Kal was going to go down the water slides all by himself.  No talking himself into it.  He acted as if he had done this a million times before.  Up he went.

And then he came down.

With a big splash.  And went back up.  Over and over again.  He went in the tunnel slide.  He went in the water slide that was completely covered over and over again.  L O V I N G  every minute of it.  It is something I will never forget.  The look on his face.  The pure excitement.  The fun he was having.  He never once mentioned that it was a tall slide.  Or a slide that was completely enclosed.  He has barely been down a slide since last May and now he was acting as if he had never feared it.

No one said a word.  We just stared in awe.  No one mentioned that this was his first time coming down a water slide.  We all reveled in the joy.  In the fun.  In the excitement.  And maybe one might think he has just matured.  He is older now.  Kids outgrow these fears. But I tell you, it is so much more than that.  Look at the expression on his face back in May. (below) Pure panic.

And then look at him here.  Pure confidence.

 

Kal is so proud of the work he did with Meredith.  He started slowly,  at the bottom of the fear ladder.  We used a Fear Thermometer (0 being no fear and 10 being I can't do it) to rate our anxiety level when we started an exposure and then again when we were done. We went to stores and separated briefly.  Kal's fear would be rated a five on the Fear Thermometer which is right where you want it to start.  Then he would come find us-don't worry we had someone watching the door. And his Fear Thermometer rating would go right back to zero.  It was amazing to watch his confidence grow with each exposure.  We would do it again the next day.  Over and over until his thermometer rating started at zero.  Then we would move on to more challenging exposures like walking to the soccer field from the parking lot by himself, promising we would meet him in ten minutes.  We had a friend's mother drive him home from an activity while I followed in the car.  One ladder rung at a time we worked our way to the top. 

We also practiced exposures during our CBT sessions with Meredith. Kalvin actually went in a elevator by himself and tried to find what floor Meredith was on.  Riding the elevator alone. Elevator tag she called it.  But you see, this is a boy who would grab on to you for dear life as you approached an elevator,  afraid the door would close and separate us.  For life.  And now he is playing "elevator tag" with Meredith?!?  It was a great combination of home and classroom exposures that helped Kal climb the ladder and make it all the way to the top.

At the end of our twenty weeks, we had a little celebration with Meredith.  Kalvin received a certificate from Meredith and a card from us with

 

B RU I N S    T I C K E T S  in it for New Years Eve.  He was giddy.  I thought he was going to burst into tears he was so excited for the tickets.

Sorry for the blurry picture.  He was so excited he was jumping up and down!

 

 Kalvin and Meredith.  What a team.

Saying goodbye to Meredith was really tough.  She really helped our family.  We knew this and we knew that her special bond with Kal really helped him, us, succeed.  We can call Meredith whenever we need advice.  We can go back to the Center for a "booster" anytime we feel anxiety creeping back in control.  That is comforting to us all. 

It is really hard to put into words the gratitude we feels towards Meredith and the CARD's CBT program.  I think Kalvin said it best as we were riding the elevator down from our mini celebration with Meredith.  He held the Bruins tickets up in his hand and said, "I really wanted to give these tickets to Meredith for what she did for me."

Elf on the Shelf Not Feeling So Merry

That time of year snuck up on us more so than in past years.  Time for the return of one of our favorite little people, Flyie.  I think the boys now get as excited for Thanksgiving as they do for Christmas all because of the return of one little man in a red suit. Our very own Elf on the Shelf.  This year, Flyie arrived with a big gift.  A basketball net for the driveway.  Kalvin has just started playing basketball in a league and absolutely loves it.  I think Flyie wanted to give the boys a present to enjoy as much as possible before the snow started falling.

Flyie has been up to a little more mischief this year.  He got himself tangled up in toilet paper and then made a swing from the empty roll.  Was caught playing in the china cabinet.  Swinging with the barrel of monkeys.

And everyone's favorite prank...drawing on our pictures.

 

No wonder the little fellow came down with a fever and had to stay until New Year's Eve again this year.  Remember the book from last year?

 I discussed how hard it is for Kalvin to say goodbye to Flyie on Christmas Eve here.

Kalvin did much better this year.  There were no tears.  No anxiety.  Just a simple note to Flyie begging him to stay a little longer this year.  I think this is another positive result from our CBT sessions which I will talk about in my next post. There was also some talk of Flyie bringing a "girlfriend" with him next year.  Kalvin heard from some friends at school that if he gets a girl Elf on the Shelf then his boy Elf on the Shelf could get married and have a baby Elf on the Shelf right in our home! Yup, second grade and the birds and the bees are starting to hum.  We are babysitting the classroom guinea pig over holiday break and it seems the kids in the classroom are all hoping the classroom guinea pig (a girl) will come back to school pregnant from our pet guinea pig (a boy).  The teacher had to explain to the classroom that the classroom guinea pig is too young to have babies and that all the "play dates" between the two guinea pigs will have to be highly supervised!  Oh, the conversations to look forward to.

Flyie isn't the only one who has been up to more mischief than usual.  The holidays can bring out the mischievous side in all of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Security

Kalvin enjoying the Ohio State vs Michigan game with his grandpa. Family tradition.

Kalvin hasn't talked a whole lot about his fiancé recently, but when he does it is with such great emotion.  If you haven't heard the story of how a six year old gets a fiancé, read here.  Kalvin brought up Catherine's name the other day by telling me that he is really not so sure that she is interested in him anymore.  "Why do you think that?" I hesitantly asked.

"Well, she runs away when I come over to her at recess," he sadly admitted.

"Sometimes girls do that when they are shy.  Maybe she still wants to be your friend, but is being shy about it," I hoped out loud.

"She does giggle when I see her in the hall.  And then I just giggle back.  That is kind of like a little language we speak." he added, giggily.  This boy is now eight years old and has the insight of a sixty year old.

"Right, see," I said.  "She is still your friend."



Braxton Miller...the quarterback.

"It is just, well, Cayden at school that I am worried about," he mumbled.  "I think Cayden wants to be Catherine's husband too.  You have to see how he looks at her when she moves her hair like this (Kalvin runs his fingers through his hair and slowwlly moves his head to one side).  Cayden just stares at her hair.  I just know he is in love with her too," he says with a heavy heart.

"Well, you can't worry about that," I say.  "Just be yourself and have fun.  After all, it is a long way away before you can actually get married."  There I said it.  Hoping not to burst his bubble.

"Right mom,"  he adds.  "That is why I am thinking about Paige too.  She has looonngg blond hair and is soooo nice.  She is like a back up wife.  You know, like the back up quarterback in football."
I really don't even know what to say at this point, "Just get to know all the girls and enjoy their friendship now. There are lots of fish in the sea and quarterbacks in football. Don't worry so much about the future.  Enjoy the moment."
He just looks at me and smiles.

I just smile back.

Watching every play.

Kalvin really seems to feel like he has sort of secured his future.  He knows who his wife will be.  Checked it off the list.  One thing he won't have to figure out in the future along with which profession to take up or where to go to college.  I think it actually provides him with a sense of security and a little confidence.  If we all could "secure" up our future and move on with life.  If it were so simple.  And it feels like sometimes we get caught up in the securing of our own future instead of living in the now.  And when I think about it,  living just to secure tomorrow and missing all that is happening today, can seem as silly as Kalvin believing he is actually going to one day walk down the aisle with Catherine.  Or, I guess now possibly, Paige.  The motivation behind some big life changes we are making over here is just that.  We want to focus more on the now and less on tomorrow.  Of course, all while still being responsible.  We are trying to live in the now, after all,  no one is promised a tomorrow.

More stories on Kalvin's fiancé here and here.


The littlest Braxton Miller.

 

Long day for a little fan.

Pain in Infancy Alters Response to Anxiety

Kalvin has experienced separation anxiety for as long as I can remember.  Not the kind of separation anxiety that makes one cry when they are left with a different caretaker, but the kind of anxiety that causes physical reactions day after day.  This anxiety has prevented Kal from doing things he wants to do.  Over the years, we have read more and more about the effects that early life trauma and pain has on the neural circuits in the brain that regulate stress.  These studies suggest that pain experienced by infants while undergoing tests and treatment in neonatal intensive care may permanently alter future responses to anxiety, stress and pain.  We couldn't ignore the studies any longer.

Taking it all in as the Sox are presented with the World Series Trophy.

This summer, while the Red Sox began their own Stay Strong campaign, we were around the corner from Fenway Park enrolling in Boston University's CARD Program to participate in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).  Kal was ready to learn some strategies to help him move through his fears and finally be able to do some things that he has really wanted to do, but just wasn't able to.  Have you ever watched some one try to do something that scares them so much they shake, turn white and eventually throw up?  Have you watched someone time and time again no matter what bribes are offered or consequences threatened, not be able to move forward?  This was Kal when he would try many things.  Things that we knew he wanted to do.  We tried different strategies, but nothing made things better for him.  We had to find a way to teach him to gain control over his own fears.  This is what CBT is all about.  Practicing what scares you most in small steps over and over again. I talked about Growing Up Brave back in July.  We are so proud to report that along with the Red Sox celebrating becoming the World Series Champs, we too are celebrating our own victory.  After many, many weeks (about twenty) and countless hours of exposure practice,  Kal has learned to work through many of his anxieties and in the process has developed skills that will last a lifetime.

Big Papi won Kal's heart early on.  He did not disappoint.


At the World Series Parade waiting for the Duck Boats

 

After years of trying to ease Kal's anxieties, we finally realized that this was something that we could not do for him.  This was something he had to do for himself.  We have watched him struggle for years.  We have tried various methods in attempt to help him become happier; including doing things for him to make his life easier and, the opposite, tough love approach.  None of our methods were working. Ultimately, we really didn't have all that much control.  Only Kal could learn how to gain control.  CBT helped him.

He did it.  Kalvin Strong! 

 

Years ago, my mom gave me this anonymous piece entitled,

"To My Children:  Things I can and Cannot Do."

I can share your life, but I cannot live it for you.

I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.

I can give you directions, but I cannot always lead you.

I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.

I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right from wrong, but I can not decide for you.

I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to be a friend, but I cannot make you one.

I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.

I can teach you to obey, but I cannot answer to your actions.

I can warn you about your sins, but I cannot make you moral.

I can teach you about prayer, but I cannot make you pray.

I can tell you how to live in this world, but I cannot give you eternal life.

We are all works in progress, but the child especially so.  How do we help them to see that each of them is a miracle, a wonderful work in progress?

We are in some ways like little pieces of confetti floating through the sky learning as we fall.

This Little Miggy

Today is a special day.  We are featured on the Special Needs Spotlight over at www.thislittlemiggy.com

Each Friday, Miss Miggy features a special needs child and their family.  Please check out our interview and Miss Miggy's heart warming and enlightening blog..  Enjoy!